Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
