How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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