sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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