Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
