I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
