I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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