the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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