while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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