They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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