Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
