I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
