Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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