first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
