Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize