i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
