Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
