there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
