woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I party with great urgency now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
