So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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