I skipped work to stalk him.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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