ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's always time for handjobs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
