Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there's paper in my vomit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
