you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
