apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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