Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
