This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
