I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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