Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You did what with his pubic hair?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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