You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
