guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
