I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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