The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Girls should come with a carfax report
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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