Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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