There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
