I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
