Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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