My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
