Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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