FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
