he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
