So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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