I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
