i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
