just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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