I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
