Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
