So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I could make wine with my vomit
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
