my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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