honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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