you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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