Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
