Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
