i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
