I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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