i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
