Already got asked if we're dating
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
