M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
