just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
