Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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