Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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