We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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